


everywhere i look i catch a glimpse of you

by Schmoooop



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alderaanian Hair Braiding (Star Wars), Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben is 26, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, No Smut, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rey is 24, Rey is Nobody (Star Wars), Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Last Jedi Spoilers, or an attempt at it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:26:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27287878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schmoooop/pseuds/Schmoooop
Summary: After the Battle of Crait, Rey and Kylo shut each other out. That is, until they start coming together through the force bond about a month of radio static. They become closer, and romantic tension arises.
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 20
Kudos: 42





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> this hasn't been beta'd so all mistakes are mine lol

Rey hated storms. She didn’t mind the rain as much, but storms are what really got to her. It was at night, and the wind howled, thunder boomed, and lightning struck, leaving Rey trembling on her cot as she tried to sleep.    
  
Finding herself unable to sleep, either from fear or how loud the storm outside was, Rey shut her eyes tightly, trying to close off everything around her and think. When she opened her eyes a few short moments later, Rey found herself not in her own bed. She felt like she was floating; sinking, into the bed she now rested on. Her cot was stiff; creaky. Nothing like this. She rolled over, to be met with Kylo Ren’s sleeping face. She froze- this wasn’t the first time they had connected while the other was sleeping. He looked so peaceful, to her. The tension in his face had released; or as much as it could, anyways. He wasn’t smiling, but he wasn’t frowning, either. Rey found herself reaching up to touch his face- to trail her fingers up his jawline, to feel the slope of his nose, to brush her fingers across his lips. But before she could, she quickly retracted her hand and stiffened after hearing thunder once again.   
  
Kylo’s eyes began to open, and Rey felt embarrassed. She rolled over quickly, shutting her eyes and trying to ignore how hot her cheeks felt- she hoped they weren’t flushed. Kylo sat up, looking over at Rey. He knew she wasn’t asleep- especially not with a storm raging around them.   
  
“I know you aren’t asleep.” He stated, lying back down.   
  
Rey turned back over to face him. Now that he was laying back down, they were at eye level. Rey pursed her lips, looking away. She hadn’t meant to wake him.   
  
“Storm?” He asked. The thunder that clapped was his answer.   
  
It was odd, really; seeing the now Supreme Leader be so quiet and gentle. Rey nodded, unable to meet Kylo’s eyes. She was afraid of storms- had been for as long as she remembered. Sand storms, Thunder storms, Snow storms, any storm- she hated it. It reminded her of the times when she had huddled up inside her AT-AT she called home when a sand storm came- sometimes they would go on for days, and she would have nothing to eat. She remembered curling up in a ball, crying for it to end, but through the howling of the wind and sand, her cries were never heard.   
  
More than once she thought she was going to die in the raging sands. Rey shuddered, trying to think of something else. Something happier. She hated that Kylo had caught her at such a vulnerable moment. Trembling, she wrapped her arms around her torso in an attempt to soothe herself. It didn’t work. She looked up to Kylo, imagining how his arms would feel around her at that moment. She wouldn’t necessarily reject it if he were to, for some reason, hold her like that.    
  
Rey sighed, looking into his dark brown eyes that reminded her of the earth. She found it weird how sometimes his eyes were the gateway to what he was feeling, and other times they were cold, emotionless; bitter, and hateful. Kylo looked back to her, his expression unreadable. He knew that she hated storms- why, he wasn’t quite sure. Rey hadn’t ever told him.    
  
There had been few times they had connected when it was storming. Sometimes they had been worse, other times, better. Kylo wished to help Rey, but wasn’t sure how to. He figured that he was the last person Rey would want to see at such a time- he wasn’t mad, he understood. But, he couldn’t ignore how she shook, how her eyes were filled with fear though she tried to hide it. He tried to look around, to think of what he could use to maybe soothe her. He had once seen before Finn- or as Kylo knew him, the traitor- wrap Rey tight in his arms; both of them had smiles plastered on their faces. In that moment, Kylo envied the former storm trooper. When Rey had spotted Kylo, her smile had dropped and she told Finn she needed to be alone. It had stung just a little bit, to know he was the cause of her smile fading.    
  
It was silent, besides the pitter-patter of the rain and the booming of the thunder. Every time the thunder sounded, Rey jumped. Lightning struck close to the base, causing Rey to tense up quickly, tears forming in her eyes. On instinct, Kylo carefully reached for Rey, pulling her to him. Rey’s breath caught as he did so, but she wrapped one of her arms around him, sinking into his chest.   
  
“You’re okay.” Kylo said, still speaking quietly.   
  
Rey nodded, her heart beating like crazy. Her wish from only a few moments prior had come true. Kylo was so warm- the loose black sweater he wore smelled like him. If Rey was being truthful with herself, she never wanted the moment to end, despite the storm. She wanted to stay in Kylo’s arms forever. The storm began to kick up again, causing her grip on Kylo to tighten. She continued to shake in his arms, and her breathing was quick. She hadn’t said a word to him yet.   
  
“Rey- you’re okay. You’re safe.” Kylo reassured. He continued to speak to her quietly, whispering soft reassurances.   
  
Kylo was never really soft- how he was acting with her then was very, very rare, but it gave her hope that Ben- her Ben- was still in there. Hope that she could save him. Rey still hadn’t realized that she loved him the way that she did, but she knew she didn’t hate him. She was nowhere close to hating. Rey didn’t think she ever really hated him- she was just angry, and upset, and had lashed out at him. When they had first started connecting again after Crait, Rey had been angry. It had been about a month after the battle- after she had shut the door on him. She had raised her barriers high in hopes to keep Kylo out- She had been so angry at him, at everything. She had lashed out at him, even for things that weren’t his fault, and he just took it- at least, most of the time. Rey felt bad for how she had treated him then. They had moved past it, for the most part. There usually wasn’t any screaming at each other; not anymore.    
  
Rey nodded once again. As the storm raged harder, she shut her eyes tightly.Her eyes snapped open when she felt Ben begin to fade away. Sometimes their connection ended swiftly- other times, it faded, like it was then. Which to Rey, only made it crueler. The time when he was opening up to her, comforting her- he was being ripped away, and slowly.   
  
“Ben-” Rey choked out, her arms tightening around her. She hated being so vulnerable, but she didn’t want him to go.    
  
Rey held onto Kylo until she couldn’t any longer. When he was gone, she curled up, holding onto her pillow; she tried to ignore the fact she wished it were him. She began to cry, the thunder clapping only sounding louder than it had before.   
  
-   
  
It was the next day, and Rey was outside. The grass was wet and water dropped off of the leaves from trees. Though now, the sun was shining. Rey’s boots lightly treaded across the wet grass deeper into the forest, not sure where she was taking herself. She was walking- trying to clear her head from the night before. She wasn’t sure how Kylo was going to act, after he had embraced her so gently. She didn’t know if he would pretend it never happened, or if he would acknowledge it. She wasn’t completely sure she wanted to find out.   
  
She continued to walk on, thinking to herself. The fresh air helped clear her mind- the air of the base felt stuffy; cold. She took a deep breath in, then exhaled. She jumped when she heard Kylo call her name from behind. She whipped around, her lightsaber extended and ignited. She relaxed when she saw it was just Kylo- “Just Kylo”. Not a phrase she thought she would ever think.   
  
“You scared me,” Rey said like the air had been knocked out of her. Disengaging her saber, she returned it to her side.   
  
Kylo said nothing. He looked at her- his brows furrowed as he thought. He was debating bringing up the night before, or not. He decided not to- he figured it was a wound Rey didn’t want to pick at. He looked around, noticing the forest, and not the base.   
  
“Where are you?” He asked, tone light.   
  
“Out.” Rey answered, holding back a huff. It wasn’t like she could just  _ tell  _ him. Who knew what would happen if she did. She sighed, and began to walk again, causing Kylo to follow her.   
  
Kylo wanted to ask about the night before. He wanted to ask if it was okay if he held her like that again. He wanted to hold her like that every night- to fall asleep with Rey in his arms and right beside him sounded like paradise. Kylo shoved that thought aside- he knew it would never happen. It couldn’t.    
  
The two walked in silence, until Rey paused. She turned back to face Kylo, an unreadable expression on her face. Kylo remained silent, waiting until Rey said something first. Rey took a step towards Kylo, then another. She stopped when she was only a few feet away from him. She looked to the ground for a moment, before looking back up to Kylo.   
  
“Thank you for last night.” She told him in a whisper.   
  
Both Kylo and Rey were caught off guard by her words. Rey wasn’t sure if she would actually  _ say _ them, or if she would just think them. Kylo froze for a moment, before clenching his jaw and nodding. They were both silent again, before Rey once again spoke up.   
  
“Why did you do it? Com- Help me, I mean.” She questioned.   
  
Kylo was quiet again. He looked to Rey, his mouth opening and closing like he was about to say something, but he cut himself off.   
  
“I’m not sure.” Kylo answered after awhile honestly. “You just- I don’t know.” He restated, looking away and running his fingers through his raven locks.   
  
Rey found herself wanting to reach up and touch his hair. She wondered how soft it was- it looked soft. She wished she could find out. There were many things she wished she could have, but she was sure that she never would. Rey had picked up on that Kylo often ran his fingers through his hair when he got nervous.    
  
Listening to his words, Rey nodded. They fell back into silence, but it wasn’t that uncomfortable. After a few moments, Rey spoke back up.   
  
“I need to be going back to the base.” She stated.   
  
Kylo nodded. He hadn’t yet learned how to end their connection- he wasn’t sure if she was implying that meant leave. All he could manage was a simple “Oh.”   
  
In reality, Kylo wished Rey didn’t have to go. Even though they weren’t speaking, he still enjoyed her presence. He sighed, and looked to the ground.   
  
“If you mean for me to go, I’m not sure how to cut off-” He told her, only to look up and find he was back on the ship.   
  
-   
  
Rey was in the mess hall, sitting with Finn and Poe. They were all eating- it was about dinner time. Rey always ate like it was the first big meal she had ever had- she ate all the food up like it would disappear if she wasn’t fast enough. It was a habit she had picked up- when she was on Jakku, a meal was never guaranteed, so she always ate like it was her last.   
  
Even so, something seemed a little off with Rey that evening. She wasn’t as talkative as she ate, mostly focusing on her food than anything else.   
  
“Hey, Rey?” Poe called, causing her to look up from her food and up to Poe. “You all good? You seem a little- down.” he stated, looking over to Finn, who nodded in agreement.   
  
“I’m fine; I’ve just got a little bit on my mind, is all. Thanks for asking.” Rey answered with a small smile. “I’m probably going to go rest after I finish up. Sorry to skip out on you guys.”   
  
“No, it’s no problem- See you tomorrow, Rey.” Finn reassured.   
  
“Yeah; see you then.” Poe chimed in.   
  
With a nod in a smile, Rey stood. She bid farewell to the two, picked up her trash and threw it away as she walked out of the mess hall. She slowly walked to her quarters, thinking as she did so.Rey found herself wishing Kylo was there- even his presence would have been enough. She bit the inside of her lip, shifting her thoughts somewhere else.   
  
The door to her room slid open, and she walked inside. She pulled out the Sacred Jedi Texts she had stolen off of Ahch-To, and flipped one open. She didn’t understand any of it- she found herself struggling with the texts the nights she tried to read them, and it frustrated her. Rey once again wished Kylo were there, causing her to grow even more frustrated with herself.   
  
“No.” Said Rey, more to herself than anyone else. She shut her eyes tightly, closing the book and putting it back under her cot with the rest of the books.   
  
Rey was more expecting Kylo to appear than not. She hoped he would- she wanted him to. She wondered if he wanted her to appear as much as she wanted him to. She figured not- why would he?    
  
Kylo wished he could see Rey. Even when they weren’t talking, he still wanted to be around her. He had had a long day, and he found himself enjoying every moment he shared with her. He wished he could hold a conversation with her- long or short, he didn’t care. He wanted to learn her- he wanted to know her favorite fruit, what her favorite season was, how she liked her Caf. Kylo sighed to himself, rubbing at his eyes.   
  
Rey figured she needed to go to bed. It had been a long day- at leat, it felt long. Rey wasn’t sure if she had actually done anything that day or not. She changed into something more comfortable, then crawled onto her cot as it creaked. She sighed. Hearing the cot creaked reminded her of how Kylo’s bed had been so soft, and how it didn’t sound like it was about to break if she moved even an inch.    
  
“I wish you were here.” Rey stated, like it would do anything.    
  
Her own words caught her off guard- had she really said it? Though it was foolish, Rey had hoped that maybe her words would have brought Kylo to her. She had been wrong. She remained alone- she didn’t want to be alone. Sighing again, Rey tried to get comfortable. She turned onto her side, tucking one of her arms around her pillow, propping it up slightly. She shut her eyes, trying to fall asleep. It took longer than she would have liked, but eventually Rey fell asleep.   



	2. two.

Kylo walked through the halls of the ship he was on quickly. He had a meeting that he wasn’t supposed to miss- of course, he could if he wished- nobody could do anything, he was the Supreme Leader. He entered the room and sat down, clearly disinterested in whatever the meeting was about. He listened in, making no comments. He felt no real reason for his presence besides- well, his presence. Once the meeting was over, Kylo was out the door. He didn’t leave room for any questions, or anything of the sort. He continued on with his tasks for the day, the thought of Rey lingering in the back of his mind.   
  
Kylo found himself thinking about Rey more often than he would like,  _ especially _ since she was his “Sworn Enemy”, at least to everyone around them. Kylo knew he should, but he didn’t honestly view Rey as an enemy. He didn’t know how he saw her- he knew that in no way did he hate her. Not at all- nowhere close to hatred.   
  
If he was being honest with himself, Kylo didn’t really care for being the Supreme Leader. To him, it was like how he was before, but he had nicer sleeping quarters. It was reaching the end of the day, and Kylo was disappointed that he hadn’t heard from Rey at any point in the day. He turned in to his room, taking a quick shower in the refresher before sitting at his desk. He hunched over his desk and wrote on actual paper with a pen.    
  
As a boy, Kylo had practiced calligraphy. He had kept it up as he had grown, despite all that had happened. He didn’t know why, but he found peace within it. He was surprised when he felt something within him pull tight- he knew that meant that the bond had pulled he and Rey together.   
  
“Ben.” Rey said, sitting on his bed.   
  
Kylo turned around, facing Rey. he had somewhat of a shocked expression on his face, like he hadn’t really been expecting to see her.   
  
“Rey.” He returned, his damp hair slightly sticking to his face. He ran his fingers through his hair and pushed it out of the way, clenching his jaw.    
  
Rey resisted a smile. She was glad to see Kylo. She noticed the piece of paper in front of him, and the loopy letters. She knew he practiced calligraphy- she had caught him a few times when he had been writing.   
  
“Isn’t it getting late?” She asked, pointing out the fact he was still up. Though they weren’t on the same hour, Rey knew.    
  
“It’s late for you too, isn’t it?” Kylo returned, tilting his head to the side with a small smile.   
  
Rey’s cheeks flushed pink. That smile of his- she hardly ever saw it, but it was one of the most beautiful sights she had ever seen. More beautiful than all the green in the galaxy. Once before, she had made him smile a wide, toothy smile. It had caught her so off guard, to see him smile so. She had just stared at him in awe of it. She still didn’t know how she did it. Rey figured that had been only the second or third time he had ever smiled at her, and he had used it at such a small, insignificant time, too. She felt butterflies flutter up in her stomach.   
  
“Maybe so.” She answered.   
  
“Shouldn’t you be in bed, then?”   
  
“What, are you concerned?”   
  
“You need rest.”   
  
“So do you.”   
  
Kylo fell silent for a moment, thinking. “You’re in my bed.”   
  
“This is my bed, or- was. I can’t really help it.” Rey responded. “Come on- I don’t bite.” She teased, moving to the side so Kylo could crawl into bed. She didn’t want to keep him from sleep, because she knew how he needed it. She could feel his exhaustion.   
  
Hesitantly, Kylo stood and crossed the floor to his bed. He sat on the edge, staring at the floor.   
  
“It’s not going to do you any good if you don’t lay down, you oaf.” Rey joked, trying to ease some of his nervousness. Over time, Rey had learned that Kylo didn’t do all that well with physical touch or being close, which made his gesture from the other night even bigger than it already was.    
  
Kylo nodded, clenching his teeth. He laid down, facing Rey. She had pushed herself all the way against the wall, giving him as much room as she could.   
  
“You can’t be comfortable like that.” He stated, confusion crossing his face. “You don’t have to- you can relax, Rey. You don’t have to push yourself up against the wall like that.”   
  
Nodding, Rey began to relax, causing her to shift more towards Kylo. She looked up at him, her expression unreadable. Kylo quickly looked away, clearing his throat.   
  
“We can sleep with our backs to each other?” Rey suggested, causing Kylo to nod.   
  
He flipped over, and they pressed their backs together. It took them both a little while, but they eventually fell asleep, comforted by each others presence.    
  
When Rey woke in the middle of the night, she was surprised to find Kylo still there. She was even more surprised to find they were now facing each other, and that her head was rested on his chest, with his arm loosely wrapped around her. Eyes widening, Rey tried to think of what to do. She didn’t want to move- no, not at all. She wanted to stay right where she was for as long as she possibly could. So, she decided to close her eyes again and fall asleep- she didn’t want to be awake when their connection ended. It didn’t take Rey long to fall back into slumber, especially not with Kylo being right there with her.   
  
-   
  
To say Rey was disappointed when she woke up and Kylo wasn’t there was an understatement. She had felt calm- safe, even, in his arms. She rolled over, looking where Kylo’s sleeping form had been only hours before. She wondered if he had woken yet- if he felt the same disappointment she did.    
  
Rey knew she needed to get moving. She didn’t have time to be distracted like she was then. Sighing, Rey rolled out of bed and got ready for the day. Though she didn’t have much to do in the morning, it still felt like it took forever. She had slept really well the night before- she didn’t want to admit that it was probably because Kylo had been there with her. Usually, when she slept, she had nightmares of the past, or what could become of the future. She had had a few where Kylo- no, Ben- had died in her arms. Those had been the worst. After, she couldn’t stop the flow of tears that streamed down her cheeks as she silently hoped Kylo would appear to her and give her proof he was still alive and well. When they had connected the day after, it had taken everything in Rey to keep herself from running to Kylo, and hugging him like she never was going to let go.She wondered if they would meet again that night- she hoped so.    
  
Spotting Finn, Rey ran up to him. “Hey, Finn.” She greeted, a smile on her face.   
  
“Hello,” He returned, smiling back.   
  
“How are you doing? You seem like you’re having a busy morning.” Rey pointed out.   
  
Finn nodded in conformation. “Yeah, it is. How about yours?” He asked, looking over at her quickly.   
  
“Not too much. It feels slow.” She admitted.   
  
“I hope it goes by quicker- actually, General Organa wanted to speak with you, so you might need to go find her. Catch you later, Rey.” Finn said, waving goodbye.   
  
“Bye, Finn.” She returned, watching him leave.   
  
Rey bit the inside of her lip. She worried that she had done something- had she been slacking? Not doing well enough in her training? Had she found out about the connection she shared with her son? She walked to find Leia, all the different possibilities running through her mind at a million miles an hour. When Rey finally found Leia, she approached, quietly greeting the general.   
  
“Rey.” Leia said, turning to face her.   
  
Nodding, Rey looked to Leia. “General.”   
  
“I have a mission for you. It’s a stealth mission- I need you to go to this event and gather any information you can; can you do it?” She asked.   
  
“Yes ma’am; of course. When is it?” Rey questioned.   
  
Leia paused. Sooner than she would have liked- they just found out about it. “Tomorrow.” She answered, albeit a little begrudgingly. Rey froze, then nodded.   
  
“Are you sure I’m the best for this?” She inquired carefully.   
  
Rey was worried that she would stand out in the crowd, being the Last Jedi, but Leia seemed insistent, for reasons she wasn’t sure of. Rey agreed to the mission- Leia told her that they would go over it more the next morning, and that she was free for the rest of the day. Rey left, slowly walking around. She felt something within her pull tight- she had figured out that meant her and Kylo’s connection was pulling them together. She looked around for him, then spotted him.   
  
“Kylo.” She greeted, realizing she was excited to see him.    
  
“Rey.” Kylo responded, turning to face Rey.    
  
Kylo was glad to see Rey- he had just been thinking about her. Standing up, Kylo walked over to Rey, following her down the hall she was in. Rey looked over to him, a pleasant look on her face. She wasn’t smiling, but wasn’t frowning. She looked content.   
  
One thing about the two of them, was that they didn’t always have to be talking or even acknowledging each other. Sometimes, they would continue what they were doing, even if the other was there. As the two walked down the hall, they didn’t really speak. Neither of them really had anything to say.    
  
Rey looked over to Kylo a small smile on her face as she remembered the night before. She wondered if he knew- if he knew how he had held her. She figured if he did, he probably would have pulled away, so in that way, she was grateful he didn’t know. She wasn’t going to tell him. How would she even say it? “ _ Hey, I know we’re supposed to be enemies and kill each other, but last night you held me in your arms and you didn’t even know it, but it was the best i’ve slept and felt in too long.” _ Pushing the thought aside, they continued to walk.    
  
“Are you busy tomorrow?” Rey asked out of the blue, looking to Kylo.   
  
“Why?”   
  
“Just wondering.” She answered, cheeks flushing. She was wondering if he was going to be at the event she was going undercover at the next day- she hoped so.    
  
“You’re not just wondering.” He pointed out in a teasing tone.   
  
“Okay,” She sighed.    
  
They left it at that, both of them left more or less in the dark. Before either of them could even say goodbye, their connection cut off. Rey sighed again- she wasn’t ready to be alone again, but there she was. It was odd- she found herself missing Kylo. She was supposed to hate him-  _ kill  _ him. But she didn’t.   
  
Kylo also wasn’t ready to be alone again. As he had been about to say something to Rey, she disappeared before his very eyes. A frustrated expression crossed his face, but he knew it couldn’t be helped. He ran his fingers through his hair- he still had a little bit left to do for the day, so he figured that take his mind off of how he found himself missing Rey, and it hadn’t even been that long. Kylo had already decided that despite one of the many nicknames being ‘The Jedi Killer’, he would never lay a harmful finger on Rey.


	3. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took me so long! i'll try to be more consistant with updates to come, i feel into a little slump and didn't have much motivation to write.

It was the next day. Kylo was pretty busy as he prepared for the event later on- he had a small idea that Rey might be there. He had grown suspicious of her after she asked if he was busy the day before. He hoped she would be there, but didn’t, at the same time. He didn’t want Rey to endanger herself.    
  
The evening event only drew closer and closer. Kylo worried about Rey, if she were to show up. He didn’t want anything to happen to her- if she were to somehow get caught, Kylo knew it probably wouldn’t end well for her. He was pacing around his room nervously, clenching his jaw as he thought about what could possibly go wrong.   
  
“Ben.”   
  
Kylo whipped around, to be met with Rey. His suspicions had been confirmed- she was going to the event. She was wearing a dress- she looked great in it. Her hair was up in braids, and she was wearing just enough makeup. She looked gorgeous. Kylo paused, unsure what to say.    
  
“Are you going to be there?” She asked, taking a step closer. She didn’t have to elaborate on what she meant- they both knew.   
  
Nodding, Kylo tensed. Kylo realized that that made the event the first time they were in the same place together since Crait, and Crait had been months ago.   
  
“Just don’t get caught.” Kylo stated.   
  
“I won’t.” Rey promised.   
  
The two fell into silence, standing only a few feet away from each other. Rey looked up to Kylo- he looked handsome. His hair was styled neatly- even more neat than usual. Rey knew Kylo was rather pretentious about his hair. THe thought made her laugh softly, smiling. He smelled wonderfully- the night when they had fallen asleep together, he smelled of cedar, and amber, as he did then. Rey thought the scent suited him. It felt like him.   
  
“Your hair looks nice.” She complimented, still smiling a small smile.

  
“Thank you- so does yours.” Kylo returned, cheeks slightly flushing pink.    
  
Rey found herself with the urge to touch his face again. She wanted to reach up; cup his cheeks, to kiss his forehead. She shifted her thoughts elsewhere- she didn’t want to think about her feelings for the man in front of her at that moment.   
  
“I’ll see you later tonight.” Rey said.   
  
“See you then.” Kylo answered, nodding.   
  
The connection pulled them apart, leaving them both alone to prepare for the night ahead of them. Rey was excited, but nervous. She wasn’t completely sure what to expect, but she knew Kylo was going to be there. She was on the ship that was bringing her to the event- it was a little ways away, so she had to leave earlier on in the day. There was no sound made aboard except for the natural sounds of the ship.Rey wrapped her arms around her torso as she thought, closing her eyes. When the ship came to a stop, Rey opened her eyes and stood. It was time for her to go- she exhaled deeply, trying to prepare herself.   
  
“Good luck, Rey.” The pilot said.   
  
Rey nodded, then headed inside the building to the event.

-

  
Kylo looked around the room, trying to spot Rey. He knew she was there- he could sense her. He was nervous, but kind of excited at the same time. He hadn’t seen her yet- he didn’t know when. He didn’t know if they planned to meet in private, or out in the open. He walked around, looking from person to person as he went.   
  
“Ben,” Kylo heard, causing him to turn around Kylo to be met with Rey, who was wearing a deep red and black dress.   
  
“Rey,” He greeted quietly.    
  
She grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him along, leading him outside. Looking up to him, she stayed silent. Kylo remained silent also- he was unsure what to say.    
  
“Hi,” She said, still holding onto his arm.   
  
“Hello,” He returned, a little confused.   
  
Rey stared up at Kylo like she was in awe.    
  
“You look handsome,” She told him, her eyes searching his face.   
  
Kylo’s cheeks flushed a deep red. “Thank you- you look beautiful.” He returned.   
  
“Thank you,” She thanked, looking away and over the balcony.Silently she thought. Rey released his arm, bringing her hand back and dropping it down by her side.    
  
It was odd, for Rey, actually being in the same place as Kylo at the same time. She shifted her gaze back towards him, her mouth slightly hung open. Her heart was beating in her chest; she wanted to reach out and touch him. His hair looked soft to the touch- she wanted to find out.    
  
“I-I need to be moving on. I just wanted- wanted to say hello.” Rey told him, their eyes meeting. His eyes seemed warm and welcoming, almost. “Can we- Let's meet out here again before the night is over.” She stated, nodding.   
  
Kylo nodded in agreement. Rey departed with a small wave, migrating back in with everyone else, leaving Kylo alone. He stood out there alone for a moment before returning inside.   
  
-   
  
The mission was going well, for Rey. She had only had a few small bumps- nothing she couldn’t easily cover up. She had been able to gather valuable information, and had been able to see Kylo as well. She looked forward to the end- he had surprisingly agreed to. She was quick on her feet, and quiet as a mouse. What she didn’t expect was to still be caught despite her efforts to stay hidden.   
  
An officer had taken interest in her, and had been speaking with her. Rey was a little nervous, but persisted nonetheless. She could get valuable information from it. He asked her to take a walk with him- she agreed to it, and walked with him back outside. Though she had a feeling something wasn’t right, Rey continued on. Things were fine- at least at the beginning. Once they were farther away from the rest of the event, the officer turned on her, pulling out his blaster while twisting her wrist.   
  
“I know who you are. You can’t deceive me, Jedi.” He snarled, ready to fire.   
  
Rey didn’t have her saber on her- Leia had assured her she would have no need for it. She clenched her jaw, staring at the man.    
  
“Let her go.” Kylo stated, walking up behind the Officer.    
  
The officer jumped, turning around with wide eyes to be met with the Supreme Leader.   
  
“B-but sir-” He stuttered.   
  
“I said, let her go.” Kylo repeated, his tone light but threatening.   
  
The officer wisely let her go, and scampered off. After he was sure that he was gone, Kylo turned to Rey.   
  
“Are you alright?” Did he hurt you?” He asked, concerned.   
  
“No, I’m okay.” Rey answered softly, shocked that Kylo had come to her rescue. Rey knew if she would have had a little more time she would have been okay, but the thought that Kylo had helped her made her smile to herself. “Thank you,” She said, looking up to him.    
  
Kylo nodded, clenching his jaw and looking to the ground. The event was nearing its end, which was rather convenient for the both of them. They were both silent, Rey looking up to Kylo.    
  
“I need to be going.” She stated quietly. In honesty, she didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to leave Kylo.   
  
“Okay.” He answered, shifting over to look at Rey.    
  
Silence fell over them again. Kylo didn’t want Rey to leave, either.   
  
“I hope to see you again later,” She said, reaching out and taking his hand hesitantly.    
  
“I hope so too.” Kylo paused, his breath catching in his throat. “I’m glad that I could- that you were here.” He told her, his voice giving off that he was nervous.    
  
Rey nodded, letting go of his hand after a moment. “Goodbye, Ben.” She softly said, almost reluctantly.    
  
“Goodbye, Rey.” He returned, watching her walk off. 


	4. four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i'm going to try and update tomorrow or the day after *doesn't post for 20 days*  
> I'm so sorry for the wait on this!! please forgive me. I'll try reallly hard to get better at consistent posting, and I apologize for disappearing for awhile.

After Rey arrived back at the base, Leia brought her in for a quick debriefing. Though it wasn’t that long, Rey felt like it dragged on forever, and there was nothing she wanted more than to go to her room and go to bed. Once the meeting ended, she picked herself up and began to walk towards the door. But before he could exit and go on to her room, Leia pulled Rey aside.    
  
“Rey.” She stated, tone and demeanor serious.   
  
Her seriousness concerned Rey, and she feared she had done something.   
  
“Yes, General?” Rey asked in a concerned voice.   
  
Leia paused, her hand still on Rey’s arm. Her jaw clenched, and Rey’s worry only grew as silence continued between the two.   
  
“Did you see my son?” Leia questioned, her tone softening slightly.    
  
Now Rey was silent, contemplating her answer.   
  
“I did.” Rey confirmed with a small nod.    
  
Leia’s breath hitched in her throat, and she released Rey’s arm. “You may go.” She stated, stiffly nodding. Rey bid Leia a quick farewell, before going to her quarters. She rubbed at her eyes as she walked, yawning. Thankfully, she had been able to change back into something more comfortable before the meeting only a few moments before, and could just collapse onto her cot once she reached her room.   
  
The door slid open and Rey sluggishly walked in, shutting it behind her. She slipped off her shoes before falling onto the cot, pulling the thin blanket over her. Rey wished it were thicker- it didn’t really offer as much warmth as she would have liked. But, despite it all, she was comfortable. Soon enough, Rey fell asleep for the night.   
  
-   
  
Kylo was in his quarters, working away on things that had piled up while he had been at the banquet. He was tired, but he knew it needed to be done. He couldn’t put it off unless he wanted to add it onto the next day’s work- frankly, it sounded appealing to him, but he knew that the him of tomorrow wouldn’t be pleased. Sighing, he continued to work after rubbing at his tired eyes.    
  
As he worked, Kylo’s thoughts drifted to Rey. He found that they often did- and he hated it. He sighed, setting his holo pad on the desk in front of him and rested his face in his hands. After a moment, he picked the tablet back up and tried to continue to work. Right as he was beginning to focus again, he felt the connection between he and Rey pull them together. He shifted, looking to find her, only to see she was asleep. In her slumber, she was shivering. Kylo’s brows furrowed, then he noticed the thin blanket she was using to shield her from the cold. His gaze shifted to one of the blankets on his bed, and he figured he could sacrifice one, especially for her.   
  
Standing, Kylo walked over to the bed and picked one of them up. He shook it out, before draping it over Rey as best as he could without disturbing her. After doing so, he returned to his desk and continued to work until she disappeared.   
  
-   
  
The next morning, Rey slowly woke. She shifted, pulling the blanket over her tighter around her- it was warm and soft. And smelled like Ben. Rey’s eyes snapped open when she realized the blanket she was all curled up in wasn’t hers. She sat up, looking down at it to see a blanket with a black exterior and wine red interior. Her eyes widened, and she pushed the blanket off. After a moment of just staring at it, she slowly picked the blanket up, and folded it. In all honesty, Rey wanted to keep it. It was very comfortable, and she felt more rested than normal. She hid the blanket, reluctant to put it away.    
  
After (more slowly than she should have) getting ready for the day, Rey left her room and began her daily work. It was tedious, and she found it more boring than not, but it gave her a routine- a sense of normalcy- when she wasn’t out on missions.    
  
Hours later, Rey finally finished for the day. She trudged back to her room, sitting down on the ground and pulling out the Sacred Jedi Texts. She figured she would try and decipher them before going out to train for a little bit. The words made no sense to her- They were in a language she didn’t understand, and it frustrated her. Not long after she picked them up, Rey returned the texts to their hiding spot with a frustrated sigh. She still sat on the floor, arms crossed. The blanket Kylo had given her was placed by the books. Hesitantly, Rey pulled the blanket out, It was just as soft as she remembered it to be, causing a small smile to cross her face. Such a comfort like the blanket was a rarity, to Rey, and she was reluctant to give it back to its rightful owner.    
  
Moments passed, causing Rey to push herself to her feet. She slipped the blanket off of her shoulder, folding it up slowly. She held it in her hands, just staring at it. Rey quickly turned around when she felt something pull, knowing it was Ben. She held the blanket to her chest, almost in a protective manner.   
  
“You gave me this,” She stated, though it was obvious.   
  
“You were cold.” Kylo returned, his tone empty as he continued to do his work.    
  
“But- why?” She questioned, confused.    
  
“You needed it- frankly, the blanket you had wasn’t really doing it for you.” Kylo told her, shifting his gaze up to her for a moment.    
  
Rey was silent for a second, taking in his words. She nodded, then walked towards him, holding the blanket out to him. Kylo seemed confused, then he shook his head.   
  
“No- keep it.” Kylo said, turning his gaze back to his work.   
  
“Are you serious?” Rey asked, dumbfounded.   
  
“Why wouldn’t I be?” Responded Kylo, eyes shifting back towards Rey.   
  
Rey couldn’t put into words how seriously thankful she was. She clutched the blanket close, resisting the urge to pull Kylo close.    
  
“Thank you.” She quietly whispered, placing the blanket under her cot.    
  
Nodding, Kylo remained silent. Rey stayed silent as well, before walking over and picking up the saber she had worked so hard to repair. She hooked it to her belt, and stretched out her arms. She cast her gaze over to Kylo, who was still hard at work. Rey began to think about how often he worked- it seemed like he never stopped. He had a frown on his face, and his brows furrowed slightly. Shifting her gaze away, Rey sighed. She tucked a piece of hair that had fallen into her face behind her ear, then crossed her arms.   
  
“What are you working on?” Rey asked, looking back to Kylo.   
  
“I can’t tell you.” He returned, eyes still glued to his work.   
  
Rey frowned slightly, though she knew that would be the answer. When she turned to face Kylo again, he was gone. Rey frowned again, looking to the ground. She wished she could have at least said goodbye. A moment passed, and Rey made her way outside to train, and hopefully get her mind off of Kylo.   
  
Truthfully, Rey was just denying what she knew to be true. Rey didn’t want to admit that the way she felt for Kylo was real- especially knowing that everyone expected her to kill him. She knew that she couldn’t, not even if she tried. The thought of killing Kylo was something Rey did’t want to think about, but she knew that the chances of her being able to live the life she wanted to live with him were low. She found herself dreaming about it, sometimes. They were dreams she didn’t want to leave; but she knew that’s not how things were.    
  
Her thoughts turned into frustration, causing her swings to be harsher and uncalculated. She was frustrated by the weight of everyone’s expectations, by Kylo refusing to turn when she knew Ben was there; that he was redeemable, by how she felt like she could never live up to the pedestal she had been placed on by the Resistance. She let out a yell, cutting through a tree with her lightsaber. Her jaw clenched, she turned away and sighed, closing her eyes tightly. Leaving the area, she returned back to the base more frustrated than she had left.    
  
Once she reached the base, the cool air hit her. She wrapped her arms around herself, clenching her jaw again. She wanted to get in the refresher, then go to bed. On her way to her quarters, she passed Leia, who caught her eye.   
  
“Rey. Are you alright?” She asked, causing Rey to slow to a stop.   
  
Rey stiffly nodded, a forced smile crossing her face. “Yes, of course, General.” She answered.   
  
Leia paused for a moment, before nodding and letting Rey go. Rey was glad that Leia had let her off the hook with it- she knew if she would have been pushed too hard, she probably wouldn’t have been able to hold strong and that everything would have spilled out. Leia hearing Rey’s feelings towards her son was one of the last things she needed.    
  
After getting out of the refresher and into comfortable clothes, Rey crawled into bed. She grabbed the blanket from Kylo out from under the cot, and wrapped it tightly around her again. She deeply inhaled, taking in his scent that still lingered. She loathed the day it would go away. Right before Rey fell asleep, the connection brought her and Kylo together once again.   
  
“Ben…?” Rey murmured, peeling her eyes open to see Kylo laying down beside her.    
  
She shifted, realizing she was now in his bed and not her own. Kylo said nothing, causing Rey to notice he was asleep. A small smile crossed her face. He didn’t look troubled, as he usually did. He looked at peace. Good sleep was a rarity for Kylo, Rey knew, so she was glad to see him sleeping well for once. She shifted to face him, and closed her eyes, pulling the blanket around her again. She soon fell asleep beside Kylo, slipping into peaceful dreams.   
  
-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading!! i really appreciate you guys


	5. five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, sorry this one took a bit and is shorter!! hope you guys enjoy

The next morning when Kylo woke, he hardly expected to find Rey right in front of him, still sleeping soundly. He tensed, looking at her. She was so vulnerable- she didn’t seem worried, or disturbed. His eyes roamed her face, occasionally finding their way to her lips. She slowly breathed in and out in a steady pace, her eyelids still sealed shut. Kylo found himself wishing to reach up and touch her face, but pushed the urge away. He noticed, next, that she had his blanket tightly wrapped around her form.    
  
His thoughts drifted to waking up to Rey every morning, just like this. He hoped that someday, in some life, that would be possible for him. The morning felt lazy, and like neither of them were in a rush. Domestic, even. Kylo hadn’t felt a slice of domesticity in all too long, which made the moment with Rey that much sweeter. He dared not move too much in fear of waking Rey up, because he knew once she did, the tender moment would end. He held his breath, his gaze still on Rey. She shifted slightly, causing Kylo to tense again. She moved closer to him, the movement small but subtle. His breath caught in his throat, and his eyes slightly widened. He tried to relax his muscles, and maybe fall back asleep. He knew that wouldn’t happen.   
  
A few minutes passed, though they felt almost like hours, to Kylo. Rey shifted again, seeming to wake up. She reached up after another moment, rubbing at her eyes and grumbling quietly to herself. Kylo tensed more, waiting for her to notice him on her own. He figured that one of the last things she wanted was to wake up next to him- the enemy. Though it seemed they weren’t enemies as much as they thought they were. His heart beat quickly in his chest as he shut his eyes, debating on whether to roll onto his back or not. He knew then Rey would absolutely know he was there, but then she wouldn’t have to look him directly in the face. He figured it was a blessing for her, a curse for him. Deciding to shift, Kylo moved to his back. Rey immediately turned to him, almost daring to reach for him but retracted her hand before it could make contact.   
  
“You’re still here?” Asked she, her question confusing Kylo.   
  
“What do you mean?” He asked in return, not risking looking over at her and keeping his eyes on the ceiling.   
  
“Oh-” She backed up, cheeks turning red. “No, it’s nothing.” She paused. “Good morning, Ben.” She softly said.   
  
Her statement only confused Kylo even more- she was telling him good morning? He recognized the two had been a little more amiable lately, which also confused him. Everything was confusing him- She was calling him Ben- something he would only tolerate from her- didn’t seem completely repulsed by his presence, and was wishing him good morning? It more than confused him, but he was failing to deny that he liked it. He liked Rey.    
  
“Good morning.” Kylo whispered in response, still very caught off guard by her words.   
  
Rey stared up at him for a moment, not really wanting to get up. She wanted to touch his face, trail his jawline with her fingers, feel his lips with the pads of her fingertips. Letting out a small sigh, she tried to not think about how she wanted what she could never have. The thought broke her heart- she would have to get used to it. She wished the sweet and quiet moment they were sharing was for forever, and not just a fleeting glimpse of what could be. She remained silent, unsure what to say or do. She couldn’t give her thoughts away to Kylo, no matter how much she wanted to.    
  
Rey wasn’t completely sure what to say next. She just stared up at Kylo, almost in awe of him. Kylo shifted, looking over to Rey. His brown eyes looked down on her, and Rey found herself lost in them.   
  
There were so many words Rey wanted to say to Kylo. Kylo’s eyes roamed Rey’s face, trying to memorize every inch of it- every freckle, every blemish or flaw he found perfect. His breath was taken away by her- she was beautiful.    
  
Silence fell between the two. Their gazes met, tension rising between the two.   
  
“Ben,” Rey softly began.   
  
Kylo opened his mouth to respond, but quickly shut it. He thought about how to respond to Rey, unsure what to say. Before he could get anything out, the two felt the bond begin to fade. Rey’s face contorted- she seemed upset, disappointed. Like there were words on the tip of her tongue, daring to spill out but she refused to let them.    
  
Frustrating, Kylo found himself stuck. He was reaching desperately for words to say, for a small goodbye. That he didn’t want to go. He watched as Rey’s jaw clenched, and he wanted to reach up and comfort her, but his arms stayed still at his side.   
  
“I don’t want you to go,” He choked out.   
  
“I don’t want to leave.” She responded, anguish equal in her voice.   
  
They reached out to touch each other, almost like one final comfort before they met again, but before they could they were alone.   
  
Kylo looked to the wall where Rey was only just a moment ago. He wished she was still there. She hadn’t even been gone a minute, and he already longed for her presence again. He didn’t know when they would meet again, but he hoped it was soon. He was forced up- he couldn’t linger any longer.   
  
When Kylo disappeared, Rey let a tear slip down her cheek. She was so close, so so close to Ben. She wanted to wrap him up in her arms and hold him there forever, whisper apologies and confessions of love into his ear as she cradled him close to her. She ached for something she had never felt before.    
  
A week passed before they connected again.   
  
-


	6. six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two post in a row?? woooooooah  
> i hope you guys enjoy!! im sorry that this one is also a lil shorter, but i hope you guys like it. i really appreciate you all!!

Rey found herself missing Kylo- it had been a week since they had last seen each other. She found herself anticipating the moment they would connect throughout the day or night, but the moment never came. It was upsetting to her. She went through her daily routine, silently hoping to herself that maybe Kylo would appear. She went along, mindlessly thinking to herself as she worked.    
  
It was time for lunch, so she slowly made her way to the mess hall. She looked around, then spotted Poe, Finn, Kaydel, and Rose all sitting together. She flashed them a smile, grabbing her food before going over to join them.   
  
“Hello,” She greeted, sitting down beside Finn and Kaydel.    
  
“Hey, Rey.” Finn responded, nodding with a smile.   
  
She waved in response, then turned to her food, digging in. She always ate like it was her last meal; it was kind of amusing. None of the others said anything- they knew why. They all continued to eat and talk, taking as long as they could. Slowly, they all started to trickle away, leaving Rey alone. She had finished a long time ago, but she still stayed at the table. Deciding she needed to get moving again, she stood and left the mess hall. She didn’t have that much left to do, anyways.   
  
Trudging through the halls, Rey thought to herself. She was quiet on her feet as she walked, another thing she picked up on Jakku. She looked around the halls as she walked, mentally mapping them out. She almost didn’t notice when the bond pulled her and Kylo together.    
  
“Rey?” She heard, causing her to spin around to face Kylo.   
  
Though her expression was neutral, she was happy to see him. “Hang on,” She told him quietly, still walking through the halls. She knew nobody could see him as he walked beside her, but a small part of her feared that was so. Her hands wrung by her side; she kept her gaze forward, and did as she normally would. She occasionally greeted somebody, but that was about it. Kylo’s presence loomed by her side, but it wasn’t uncomfortable to her.   
  
“Rey.” She heard again, so she turned and found Leia looking at her.   
  
“Yes, General?” Rey asked, struggling to keep her expression neutral still. Kylo was right there- he could see and hear his mother, yet she didn’t even know he was there. She refused to cast even a small glance over at Kylo, but she felt the bond ripple with his emotions, for once. That almost compelled her to look at him, maybe even attempt to comfort him, but she couldn’t. And like that, he was gone. Rey found herself upset that he was now not there. 

“I need to speak with you. Come.” Leia said. 

Nodding, Rey followed Leia. She wondered what it could be about- she didn’t know. Her boots quietly clacked against the floor as she followed Leia. Leia turned into a meeting room- there didn’t seem to be anyone else in there; just Leia and Rey. Rey swallowed nervously, looking over to Leia.   
  
“Is everything alright, General?” Rey asked.   
  
Leia was silent for a moment. “What do you know about my son?” Leia questioned, her expression open and unaccusing.   
  
Rey paused, biting the inside of her cheek. That no matter how much he denied it, he was good. That he was saveable. That he had beautiful brown eyes that she found herself lost in. That she felt safest sleeping next to him.   
  
“Not much.” Rey responded, shifting from foot to foot.    
  
A bittersweet smile crossed Leia’s face. “I miss him.” She said, confiding in Rey for reasons unknown to her.    
  
“I’m sorry,” Rey whispered, relating to Leia though she didn’t know it. “I’m sure he can be brought back. No one is too far gone,” She repeated Leia’s words, hoping to give the grieving mother a bit of hope. Rey knew she couldn’t give away what she and Kylo had.   
  
Leia nodded sadly. “No one is too far gone.” Leia murmured, looking up to Rey. “Thank you, Rey.”   
  
“Of course, General.” Rey said with a small smile.   
  
“Dismissed,” Leia told her with a nod.   
  
Rey nodded, leaving quickly. She went back to her work, unable to think of anything but the interaction with Leia. She finished up the work that she had left, then headed to her quarters. She smoothed out the hair beside her face, sighing quietly. She thought about how Kylo was there when his mother had first come to her- how he had seen her, how he had felt. Rey hoped she would see him again soon- she hoped he was okay.    
  
With a sigh, Rey sat down beside the cot. She moved aside the blanket he gave her and pulled out another book- one that wasn’t one of the Sacred Jedi Texts. It was one she scavenged one day. She didn’t know what it was about, but she was interested. Opening the book, she began to slowly read it. She slightly struggled with reading- she never really got a proper education on Jakku.   
  
After struggling with it for a little while, she closed the book and set it with the others. The sun had set a while ago, and she decided to go to bed. She changed into more comfortable clothes, then crawled on top of her cot. She reached under her bed, pulling out the blanket. Wrapping herself up snugly inside the blanket, Rey let herself slowly relax. She was tired- really tired. She let herself slip into a dreamless sleep.   
  
-   
  


The moment Kylo heard his mother’s voice, his heart rate sped up. He turned to look at her as Rey did, eyes wide. He had seen her before, but it didn’t dampen the effects of seeing her again. Her hair had grayed and there were wrinkles he didn’t recognize, but she was still as he remembered her. He felt a wave of nausea hit him- just seeing her made him feel a thousand times more guilt than before. He knew she couldn’t see him, he knew that, but at the same time the fear of her seeing him anyways remained. Rey had turned rigid beside him, and he could feel her own anxieties. 

“Yes, General?” He heard her say, before he was ripped away from her. 

Kylo wasn’t sure whether he would have rather stayed, or left like he was forced to. He looked around his quarters, before sinking down on top of his bed. He leaned forward, resting his face in the palms of his hand. He felt tears threaten to spill, but he refused them. He shook his head, and stood. He would get in the refresher, then go to bed. 

It was a long time before Kylo actually went to bed. He spent almost an hour in the refresher, just staring at the wall and letting the scorching water sear his skin. Once out, he changed into something simple and comfortable and slipped into bed. Kylo figured he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He stared at the ceiling, daring to let a tear fall. And after one was another, and then another, and before he knew it, the Supreme Leader was crying. His tears were silent. 

Rey. She was there- she appeared beside him when he was at his most vulnerable. He looked beside him, tears still fast as they slipped down his cheeks. 

“Rey?” He croaked. 

Her eyes snapped open, her eyes wide. “Who-Ben?” She quickly sat up, noticing the tears on his cheeks and in his eyes. She reached over, wiping them off of his face gently. Silently she took him up into her arms, holding him carefully. She tensed for a moment, realizing who it was she was holding so tenderly. She almost pulled away, when he wrapped his arms around her in return. He rested his head on her chest, clenching his jaw. 

“I didn’t mean to wake you.I’m sorry.” He stated quietly, voice wavering and unsteady. 

“Don’t apologize,” Rey softly reassured. 

The two lapsed into silence. Rey still held onto Kylo, her grip unwavering. His hair was damp, indicating he was fresh out of the shower. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” She told him. 

Kylo nodded. His jaw clenched and unclenched. He remained silent, allowing himself to be comforted by Rey just this once. He knew he was most likely going to berate himself over it at another time, but he wasn’t going to reject it now. He would allow himself to be near to Rey. 

Silence continued as the two sat there, holding onto each other like a lifeline. Rey’s breathing began to even out slowly, indicating she had fallen asleep. Kylo remained awake, but felt his eyes begin to droop. He felt comfortable- safer, around Rey. Safe enough to fall asleep. His eyes closed, and like her, he was soon asleep. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ben got his hug yo


	7. seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhhhhhhhiiiiiiiii,,,,,,,,, it's been a hot minute  
> i apologize for the wait on this! i'm sorry it's shorter, as well  
> i hope you guys like it!!

Even though it had been a few days, Kylo found himself going back to a couple of nights ago. The night where Rey had found him crying- The night where Rey had pulled him into her arms and held him until his crying ceased; until he fell asleep. He could still feel the ghost of her hand rubbing up and down his back in an attempt to comfort him.

The man recognized how vulnerable he had been, and how Rey hadn’t taken advantage of it. How she hadn’t pried secrets from his lips, how she had whispered into his ear, telling him reassuring things. It made him want to cry all over again- the woman who he was supposed to hate- the woman he loved was there for him when he desperately needed her.

Kylo covered his mouth with his hand. They had only seen each other once since the night, and it seemed things had changed. For the better or worse, Kylo couldn’t tell. Rey had seen him, and a look he couldn’t read crossed her face. She reached out to touch him and Kylo didn’t move to stop her- her fingers brushed across his forehead, pushing the hair out of his face. No words were exchanged- they didn’t have time. Right as Rey’s hand began to pull away, the connection ceased. He wished he could have had more time, but the force had other plans.   
  
The occurrences kept returning to Kylo’s mind- he couldn’t stop thinking about them- He couldn’t stop thinking about Rey. He wondered if it was the same for her. If she couldn’t stop thinking about how tender-vulnerable- they had been with each other. It made Kylo’s heart beat quickly in his chest- what did it all mean, and what was it going to turn into?   
  
Being in the unknown scared Kylo, and what he and Rey were going into was very, very unknown. He was worried over what was going to happen- what it would turn into if it even turned into anything. How did Rey feel about him? He was pretty certain on how he felt about her. He knew that he looked forward to her smile, hearing her voice, and just her. He looked forward to Rey because he loved her.

He loved her.

The realization hit Kylo hard- it lifted him up for one moment, before yanking him down. Hard. He loved her- the one he was supposed to hate most. The one he was supposed to kill- to loathe with every inch of his body- and he loved her. Only with his luck would he fall in love with the one he was supposed to destroy. He knew now he couldn’t- he couldn’t kill Rey. Not even if he tried. Snoke was right when he said he had a weakness for Rey, and it could very easily be his downfall. Rey could kill him without hesitation- but she had had so many chances to, and hadn’t. That had to say something… Right? Kylo was unsure. He was scared and uncertain. The man just wished it wasn’t as complicated as it was, but there was nothing that could be done. He didn’t even know if Rey felt the same- he didn’t want to get hurt like he had so many times in the past.

Rey trailed along the Resistance base, her mind completely unfocused on the world around her. So much had happened between her and Kylo- _ Ben _ \- the past few days. Things had changed. They were different, she was sure. She was sure Ben was turning- that he was coming home. She wanted him to come home so badly; she wanted to be with him. She wanted to be able to hold him close and brush his hair out of his face and tell him that she loved him freely, without a care in the world.

The woman let out a sigh, her shoulders sagging. She wasn’t completely sure how to spend her free time- she could always go back and try to decipher the Jedi Texts, but every time she tried, she only got frustrated. Thinking of the Jedi Texts reminded her of the blanket carefully hidden beside them- Ben’s blanket. It had lost his smell and she wished she could have him take it back for a bit then take it back, but she couldn’t go up to him and just say ‘ _ Hey! So, your blanket doesn’t smell like you anymore so can you take it back for a few nights and then give it back to me? Thanks.’ _

Sighing out of frustration, Rey covered her face with her hands and groaned. Why were things so difficult? Every time she saw Ben, she found it more and more difficult to resist pressing a kiss to his lips. 

What also complicated things was being declared enemies. They both were supposed to hate each other, but Rey didn’t hate Ben in the slightest. She saw the light in him, and how it was growing brighter after being suppressed by the darkness for too long. 

Rey walked to her room, still submerged in her thoughts. Turning into her room, Rey bent over by her cot, pulling out the texts, along with Ben’s blanket. She wrapped the blanket tightly around her, feeling herself getting disappointed when his scent was no longer lingering. She opened up one of the ancient books, trying to study it best she could. Nothing, as always. A frustrated sigh.    
  
“I can never-” She began, then cut herself off, pursing her lips.   
  
Putting the books back where they went, Rey kept the blanket tightly around her. She flung herself back on the cot, wincing when she wasn’t cushioned like she was expecting. The woman shut her eyes, sighing. It had been at least a day since she had last seen Ben- she wondered when she would see him again. Hopefully soon. It was beginning to grow late- she had worked at the texts longer than she had thought. She was tired, so she decided to rest.

Closing her eyes, she pulled the red and black blanket tighter around herself. She cradled herself in her arms under the blanket, falling asleep alone.

-

Another day passed, and the two had still not been brought together again. They both wished to even just catch a glimpse at each other’s face again- that would be enough.   
  
Rey was once again outside on Ajan Kloss, her staff in hand. She was seeking time out in the fresh air, hoping to clear her mind and think about what was going on between her and Ben. Finding a tree, she sat down at it’s base, resting her head against the trunk. She sighed softly, closing her heads as her face was turned to the sun.

Turning, Ben spotted Rey, sitting down on the ground. He froze at the sight of her- it had only been a few days since they had seen each other, but she was just as beautiful as he remembered. Quietly the man walked over, sitting down beside her. He said nothing as he closed his eyes as well. He didn’t miss how their hands almost brushed together.

“Ben?” He heard.   
  
The sound of Ben was beginning to sound right- normal, more natural. His shoulders relaxed slightly. 

Eyes opening, Rey looked towards Ben with a small smile on her face. He looked calm and he wasn’t sleeping, which surprised Rey. Usually he seemed tense, but not this time. Rey wondered why. 

“You don’t have that look on your face.” Rey stated, her tone slightly teasing.   
  
Ben opened his eyes. “What look?” He quietly asked, eyes still pointed to the sky.

“You usually have this… Look on your face.” She very loosely explained.   
  
“That doesn’t explain anything.”   
  
“Well, you just seem- you just seem… Fine.” Said she, her brows furrowing. “You look calm.”   
  
“Calm?” Ben questioned, brows furrowing.

“Yeah. You don’t look upset, or anything.” She responded.

“Is that a good thing?” He asked.   
  
“Oh! Yes, yes of course it’s a good thing, Ben. I’m glad to see you looking… okay.” Rey said, hesitating for a moment before resting her head on his shoulder.   
  
Ben tensed at the action. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes widened, but he quickly tried to calm himself. He let his shoulders relax again and continued to breathe

normally, caught off guard by the gesture.

The two went silent. Ben just looked forward, lost in his thoughts, while Rey continued to lay her head on his shoulder. Her arm slipped around his cautiously as she shut her eyes. Ben wished the moment could last forever. Silence continued, and the world around them seemed to slow.

“Ben, come home.” Rey said, more like a plea than a statement.

Again, Ben tensed up. He sighed, letting his chest drop. “I can’t.” He responded quietly, keeping his gaze pinned to the sky.

“Why?” She pressed, pulling away from his shoulder to look at him directly.   
  
“I just can’t.” He repeated, beginning to close himself off.   
  
Rey could tell Ben was starting to shut her out, slightly causing her to panic. “Don’t- Don’t, Ben. Don’t shut me out.” She whispered.   
  
Saying nothing, Ben looked away and to the ground.

“Ben.”

Still nothing. Rey let out a quiet sigh, shutting her eyes. One step forward, two steps backwards. Eventually. They would get there eventually. Ben looked back over to Rey, a sad look in his eyes. 

Before anything more could be said, they were pulled away from each other. Ben was still on the ground from where he had been sitting with Rey. It took him a moment to rise to his feet, but he did. He ran a hand through his hair, staring at the ground. 

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also, updates might take longer since school has started back and stuff. i'm a student and i have more core classes this semester, so i might be busier. i'll try and post more frequently best i can, though! i do really enjoy writing this  
> i hope you guys like this!! i appreciate you all so much

**Author's Note:**

> im going to try and keep updates rolling, like once every one or two days? i don't really have any plan on it atm, but i'm going to make sure to keep going!


End file.
